It's been minutes, it's been days.

One year ago, today, I sat at my desk facing at an empty Word document. "This wasn't how I wanted it to be," I told myself as the cursor blinked at me.

It's been a week since I've stepped into that dinky "refurbished" office on level 7. It didn't look spectacular, all they did was clear out the old crap and placed a few new tables and chairs.

I went through old stacks of hype, considering sections I would want to keep and sections I would want to throw out if i found them redundant.

"Seriously? I'm doing this on my birthday?" Considering the things I would have to put up with, I had a mind to just pack up and leave. The worth just wasn't there. But I had a job to do, I chose to do it. So be it, there's no turning back time was there?

From time to time, SMS-es would be coming in with well-wishes. I'd reply them as best I could with a smiley face or two. But it wasn't a happy birthday, it was just... as they said it, a birth-day. Nothing but a date to signify when you were born unto this earth, and to measure how long you would live until the day your time was up.

How weary I was of that day, I was counting the hours until 6pm when I could leave and go home to the family. They would have prepared a simple dinner, all the things I like to eat, and a regular-sized blackforest cake from Bengawan Solo. Just as we do every year.

Deciding to put everything on hold, I went to sort through the files on the external hard-drive. Re-organising two and a half years' of work had to kill some time. Nearly an hour passed, and I only managed to sort through a year's worth of work. You would imagine the memories one would remember while doing this, imagine the small grin I had when I clicked open a folder titled, "Nias".


Two years ago, today, I waited in line at the check-in counter to deposit my luggage. It would have been my first and last overseas trip during my time at the Polytechnic. "Consider it good for your portfolio once you graduate," I told myself. But some part of me just wished I was back home in bed, waiting for those SMS-es of well-wishes to stream in.

"It's gonna be fun." And it was. I made friends with people I least expected to do so. Some didn't last. Some grew stronger than I ever intended it to be. It's not much of a memory, no pictures to bring home, no souvenirs... but that quiet hour at that jetty, on the edge of Gunung Sitoli was all I can remember best from that fourteen days... who knew what it would have amounted to.


Birthday's of mine have always been quiet affairs, no loud parties, no celebrations, no fuss. But the past two years was most memorable because of the choices I've made, and the people I've met along the way. Some stayed, some didn't. Others just moved on.

I could continue to stay and be perturbed by events that upset me. Or I could just carry on forward, knowing I have more choices to make (hopefully ones I won't regret this time).

So I bid my teenage-dom behind. Come 8th Oct, I move on with a new phase in my life. It's not a choice of mine that I have to go to an offshore island notorious for stories of punishment and ill-treatment. But, it is a choice of mine to be the best I can be when that day comes.



Fighting Spirit.

I have that. Because you only get it when you believe in yourself. Thanks for reminding me.