It's already October

I swear this is going to be a reeeally short one. It's already October.

Somehow a few months ago, it seems like the month would never arrive. But everything's slightly more apprehensive now. You begin to look back at everything and realise you still have much to do and when you turn to look ahead, suddenly there's no time to do anything anymore.

Two years of your life coming to a halt.

3rd Div Infantry putting on a show for NDP 2009

Strange that in less than eight days, I relinquish my role as a mere civilian, bringing along no useful knowledge of what I've learned so far into the armed forces. Along with many others, unsure and unsettled within ourselves, we will come together to learn to fight as one. To learn to love and protect this little island we call home.

Whatever happens, whether or not it is to my liking... Just bring it.


I'll make good of it.



P.s: and before i forget, Happy Children's Day. At least to the kid in you.

It's been minutes, it's been days.

One year ago, today, I sat at my desk facing at an empty Word document. "This wasn't how I wanted it to be," I told myself as the cursor blinked at me.

It's been a week since I've stepped into that dinky "refurbished" office on level 7. It didn't look spectacular, all they did was clear out the old crap and placed a few new tables and chairs.

I went through old stacks of hype, considering sections I would want to keep and sections I would want to throw out if i found them redundant.

"Seriously? I'm doing this on my birthday?" Considering the things I would have to put up with, I had a mind to just pack up and leave. The worth just wasn't there. But I had a job to do, I chose to do it. So be it, there's no turning back time was there?

From time to time, SMS-es would be coming in with well-wishes. I'd reply them as best I could with a smiley face or two. But it wasn't a happy birthday, it was just... as they said it, a birth-day. Nothing but a date to signify when you were born unto this earth, and to measure how long you would live until the day your time was up.

How weary I was of that day, I was counting the hours until 6pm when I could leave and go home to the family. They would have prepared a simple dinner, all the things I like to eat, and a regular-sized blackforest cake from Bengawan Solo. Just as we do every year.

Deciding to put everything on hold, I went to sort through the files on the external hard-drive. Re-organising two and a half years' of work had to kill some time. Nearly an hour passed, and I only managed to sort through a year's worth of work. You would imagine the memories one would remember while doing this, imagine the small grin I had when I clicked open a folder titled, "Nias".


Two years ago, today, I waited in line at the check-in counter to deposit my luggage. It would have been my first and last overseas trip during my time at the Polytechnic. "Consider it good for your portfolio once you graduate," I told myself. But some part of me just wished I was back home in bed, waiting for those SMS-es of well-wishes to stream in.

"It's gonna be fun." And it was. I made friends with people I least expected to do so. Some didn't last. Some grew stronger than I ever intended it to be. It's not much of a memory, no pictures to bring home, no souvenirs... but that quiet hour at that jetty, on the edge of Gunung Sitoli was all I can remember best from that fourteen days... who knew what it would have amounted to.


Birthday's of mine have always been quiet affairs, no loud parties, no celebrations, no fuss. But the past two years was most memorable because of the choices I've made, and the people I've met along the way. Some stayed, some didn't. Others just moved on.

I could continue to stay and be perturbed by events that upset me. Or I could just carry on forward, knowing I have more choices to make (hopefully ones I won't regret this time).

So I bid my teenage-dom behind. Come 8th Oct, I move on with a new phase in my life. It's not a choice of mine that I have to go to an offshore island notorious for stories of punishment and ill-treatment. But, it is a choice of mine to be the best I can be when that day comes.



Fighting Spirit.

I have that. Because you only get it when you believe in yourself. Thanks for reminding me.

Cold nostalgia chills

Sometimes, just sometimes, you wish things could be different from how they've turned out.

Sometimes you feel like you've lost a little part of you along the way.

Sometimes, you do things to help try and make you feel alive again.

Sometimes, you imagine you could do it all over again.


Sometimes, you just can't help but stop and wonder. Why?

It's really one big mess

...it's one of those times where internal conflict really starts messing with your system.


As if you refuse to move from the green light and motorists behind you are urging you on with their horns.


That's the sort of noise and confusion you're getting. Like you know you never want to reach your endpoint.

Because you find you're enjoying the ride a little too much. And you know it'll end someway or another.

He won't roll into a grave anytime soon

Finding names to faces we never knew

Sounds like a stretch, but maaaybe that's what we are. =)


Sounds better than 4.2 anyways. Haha.

Fun!

F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me. N is for anywhere and anytime at all, down here in the deep blue sea... (birds don't exactly swim do they? Except for the penguins and ducks and etc.)