Let me get this straight, do you want me here?
As I struggle through each and every year.
And all these demons, they keep me...
Up All Night (2011).
Blink is Back
Let me get this straight, do you want me here?
As I struggle through each and every year.
And all these demons, they keep me...
Up All Night (2011).
Bursting my Bubble
Follow You
I’m ready to leave it all behind
Your love works wonders, the ruler of my heart
I let go of my ego just like you said
I come into being hopeful again
Hate New Beginnings
As the end of Service draws nearer and I slowly get this hint of what being on the outside feels like again, and it's this very discomforting feeling I'm getting.
It's when you finally have the freedom to live your life again, to it's "fullest" with no restrictions, you realise... To take life into your own hands, what happens? A terrible thing: No one to blame.
The world is yours again, what are you going to do about it?
Summing It Up (2010)
Well, the end of another year is at the close. And I shant comment on how I spent it. nor whether I loved it or hated it.
So a pictorial review on what yours truly has been up to the past year.
As you can see, most of the pictures are of me and my memories in the military service. How I went through the ranks and am now serving as a Platoon Sergeant. It's not a glamorous lifestyle, one with dinners and outings and all that shiny, fancy stuff. But it's a service, and the perks are well... secondary.
So a pictorial review on what yours truly has been up to the past year.
As you can see, most of the pictures are of me and my memories in the military service. How I went through the ranks and am now serving as a Platoon Sergeant. It's not a glamorous lifestyle, one with dinners and outings and all that shiny, fancy stuff. But it's a service, and the perks are well... secondary.
The Ninja and the Princess
One of the many reasons why I love the Internet: Scanlations.While wallowing in my own self-regret and denial of what a letdown the system is... (and apart from the raging fever non-self induced puking), I turned to read some manga online - a brief respite from long route marches and battles I will fight and never "win".
There were your usual titles: Naruto, Bleach, FMA and more obscure ones such as Ghostsweeper Mikami and School Rumble.
And then there was Recca Hanabishi. Your average Japanese 16-year old, who went to high school and basically goofed off most of the time. Oh, and who could shoot flames out of his right hand. Not forgetting the eight Flame Dragon Spirits that lived in him.
Recca was undoubtedly the first anime that I saw because I skipped school one day on the account that I was "sick". More like an excuse to watch TV the whole day because Dad finally decided to get cable TV or what I like to call "SCV" (before Starhub came along). Why in the world would anyone need the Power Rangers or Pokemon (did Pokemon even exist in '98?) when you had Recca and his team of Hokage* ninjas.
*coincidental similarities with the Naruto Universe on this one, but no... no Rasengan or Kyuubi can ever hope to claim first. Sorry Kishimoto. =3
This anime was adventurous, action-packed (with copious amounts of bleeding) and they even sneaked in a little romance (unbeknownst to me at that time). Shit, for a 9-year-old, I found my idol and hero right there. Not in some cartoon or comic book character wearing brightly coloured spandex. Just a feisty high-schooler who fought for nothing but the lives of his friends. And he had friends who would fight for him too!
I probably learned alot about love, friendship and being strong-willed in those 42 episodes that aired on AXN that year. Now I look back and wonder what ever happened to that 9-year old me. The one that used to look so brightly on the future and expected the best of things. Now I just grumble on Life's propensity.Then I realise, that kid never left me.
I unknowingly left that kid behind years ago. I found new friends, new companions.
But now I remember... those flames of hope.2years aint too long
to the trembling that’s like the sound of a heart
just got off the phone with someone while standing at the corridor right outside my door...
The couple in the flat opposite of mine still fight at night.
The boy who lives a few stories down that very flat still uses the computer until the wee hours of the morn. He's older now.
Nothing much have changed the past months I've been away. And on the very night I return home, I am welcomed by the very same sights and sounds. Every week in and out.
I want to get out. And make it just like old times.
The couple in the flat opposite of mine still fight at night.
The boy who lives a few stories down that very flat still uses the computer until the wee hours of the morn. He's older now.
Nothing much have changed the past months I've been away. And on the very night I return home, I am welcomed by the very same sights and sounds. Every week in and out.
I want to get out. And make it just like old times.
Going... going...
Gone.
Too bad its not for a holiday. Kanchanaburi, TH.
Too bad its not for a holiday. Kanchanaburi, TH.everybody has problems. everybody has bad times.
do we sacrifice all the good times because of them?
do we sacrifice all the good times because of them?
what have i been up to?
Since my last post, I have completed my basic military training, gone through Basic Sect Leader Course, (with a few hits and misses) and now on my way to thailand for three weeks before i complete my Adv. Sect. Leader course.
Along the way I have learnt a few things, none related to the army in anyway. But about myself, and how my view on the world, my life, friendship and even a little bit about love have changed along the way.
I dont wish to be selfish anymore, theres nothing to be gained from that. Theres no rewards in being number 1. Just the burden of needing to perform well every single time.
SO, I'll settle for number two at best ;)
Wish me luck in Thailand!
Sometimes
I wonder where my head was at the past 2 or 3 (since its already 2010) years. Then I tell myself, you're so stupid, stupid, stupid!
Occasionally I also clean out scattered items around the room and spend a bit of time figuring out where to store them when I come home on the weekends. I read old letters (some in a bottle), clear out notebooks filled with little sketches and notes probably long forgotten.
And I neatly put them away in a single box.
There are just some things you don't wish to forget. Very much like a windy night along the Singapore river.
2010
Bye 2009, I liked you.
Although, you were a pain at the start. And probably a slight of a jackass towards the very end too. (But who said the year had to be perfect anyways)
Although, you were a pain at the start. And probably a slight of a jackass towards the very end too. (But who said the year had to be perfect anyways)
Have a happy 2010 everybody. *throws confetti* =)
It's already October
I swear this is going to be a reeeally short one. It's already October.
Somehow a few months ago, it seems like the month would never arrive. But everything's slightly more apprehensive now. You begin to look back at everything and realise you still have much to do and when you turn to look ahead, suddenly there's no time to do anything anymore.
Two years of your life coming to a halt.
3rd Div Infantry putting on a show for NDP 2009
Strange that in less than eight days, I relinquish my role as a mere civilian, bringing along no useful knowledge of what I've learned so far into the armed forces. Along with many others, unsure and unsettled within ourselves, we will come together to learn to fight as one. To learn to love and protect this little island we call home.
Whatever happens, whether or not it is to my liking... Just bring it.
I'll make good of it.
P.s: and before i forget, Happy Children's Day. At least to the kid in you.
Somehow a few months ago, it seems like the month would never arrive. But everything's slightly more apprehensive now. You begin to look back at everything and realise you still have much to do and when you turn to look ahead, suddenly there's no time to do anything anymore.
Two years of your life coming to a halt.
3rd Div Infantry putting on a show for NDP 2009Whatever happens, whether or not it is to my liking... Just bring it.
I'll make good of it.
P.s: and before i forget, Happy Children's Day. At least to the kid in you.
It's been minutes, it's been days.
One year ago, today, I sat at my desk facing at an empty Word document. "This wasn't how I wanted it to be," I told myself as the cursor blinked at me.
It's been a week since I've stepped into that dinky "refurbished" office on level 7. It didn't look spectacular, all they did was clear out the old crap and placed a few new tables and chairs.
I went through old stacks of hype, considering sections I would want to keep and sections I would want to throw out if i found them redundant.
"Seriously? I'm doing this on my birthday?" Considering the things I would have to put up with, I had a mind to just pack up and leave. The worth just wasn't there. But I had a job to do, I chose to do it. So be it, there's no turning back time was there?
From time to time, SMS-es would be coming in with well-wishes. I'd reply them as best I could with a smiley face or two. But it wasn't a happy birthday, it was just... as they said it, a birth-day. Nothing but a date to signify when you were born unto this earth, and to measure how long you would live until the day your time was up.
How weary I was of that day, I was counting the hours until 6pm when I could leave and go home to the family. They would have prepared a simple dinner, all the things I like to eat, and a regular-sized blackforest cake from Bengawan Solo. Just as we do every year.
Deciding to put everything on hold, I went to sort through the files on the external hard-drive. Re-organising two and a half years' of work had to kill some time. Nearly an hour passed, and I only managed to sort through a year's worth of work. You would imagine the memories one would remember while doing this, imagine the small grin I had when I clicked open a folder titled, "Nias".
Two years ago, today, I waited in line at the check-in counter to deposit my luggage. It would have been my first and last overseas trip during my time at the Polytechnic. "Consider it good for your portfolio once you graduate," I told myself. But some part of me just wished I was back home in bed, waiting for those SMS-es of well-wishes to stream in.
"It's gonna be fun." And it was. I made friends with people I least expected to do so. Some didn't last. Some grew stronger than I ever intended it to be. It's not much of a memory, no pictures to bring home, no souvenirs... but that quiet hour at that jetty, on the edge of Gunung Sitoli was all I can remember best from that fourteen days... who knew what it would have amounted to.
Birthday's of mine have always been quiet affairs, no loud parties, no celebrations, no fuss. But the past two years was most memorable because of the choices I've made, and the people I've met along the way. Some stayed, some didn't. Others just moved on.
I could continue to stay and be perturbed by events that upset me. Or I could just carry on forward, knowing I have more choices to make (hopefully ones I won't regret this time).
So I bid my teenage-dom behind. Come 8th Oct, I move on with a new phase in my life. It's not a choice of mine that I have to go to an offshore island notorious for stories of punishment and ill-treatment. But, it is a choice of mine to be the best I can be when that day comes.
Fighting Spirit.
I have that. Because you only get it when you believe in yourself. Thanks for reminding me.
It's been a week since I've stepped into that dinky "refurbished" office on level 7. It didn't look spectacular, all they did was clear out the old crap and placed a few new tables and chairs.
I went through old stacks of hype, considering sections I would want to keep and sections I would want to throw out if i found them redundant.
"Seriously? I'm doing this on my birthday?" Considering the things I would have to put up with, I had a mind to just pack up and leave. The worth just wasn't there. But I had a job to do, I chose to do it. So be it, there's no turning back time was there?
From time to time, SMS-es would be coming in with well-wishes. I'd reply them as best I could with a smiley face or two. But it wasn't a happy birthday, it was just... as they said it, a birth-day. Nothing but a date to signify when you were born unto this earth, and to measure how long you would live until the day your time was up.
How weary I was of that day, I was counting the hours until 6pm when I could leave and go home to the family. They would have prepared a simple dinner, all the things I like to eat, and a regular-sized blackforest cake from Bengawan Solo. Just as we do every year.
Deciding to put everything on hold, I went to sort through the files on the external hard-drive. Re-organising two and a half years' of work had to kill some time. Nearly an hour passed, and I only managed to sort through a year's worth of work. You would imagine the memories one would remember while doing this, imagine the small grin I had when I clicked open a folder titled, "Nias".
Two years ago, today, I waited in line at the check-in counter to deposit my luggage. It would have been my first and last overseas trip during my time at the Polytechnic. "Consider it good for your portfolio once you graduate," I told myself. But some part of me just wished I was back home in bed, waiting for those SMS-es of well-wishes to stream in.
"It's gonna be fun." And it was. I made friends with people I least expected to do so. Some didn't last. Some grew stronger than I ever intended it to be. It's not much of a memory, no pictures to bring home, no souvenirs... but that quiet hour at that jetty, on the edge of Gunung Sitoli was all I can remember best from that fourteen days... who knew what it would have amounted to.
Birthday's of mine have always been quiet affairs, no loud parties, no celebrations, no fuss. But the past two years was most memorable because of the choices I've made, and the people I've met along the way. Some stayed, some didn't. Others just moved on.
I could continue to stay and be perturbed by events that upset me. Or I could just carry on forward, knowing I have more choices to make (hopefully ones I won't regret this time).
So I bid my teenage-dom behind. Come 8th Oct, I move on with a new phase in my life. It's not a choice of mine that I have to go to an offshore island notorious for stories of punishment and ill-treatment. But, it is a choice of mine to be the best I can be when that day comes.
Fighting Spirit.
I have that. Because you only get it when you believe in yourself. Thanks for reminding me.
Cold nostalgia chills
Sometimes, just sometimes, you wish things could be different from how they've turned out.
Sometimes you feel like you've lost a little part of you along the way.
Sometimes, you do things to help try and make you feel alive again.
Sometimes, you imagine you could do it all over again.
Sometimes, you just can't help but stop and wonder. Why?
Sometimes you feel like you've lost a little part of you along the way.
Sometimes, you do things to help try and make you feel alive again.
Sometimes, you imagine you could do it all over again.
Sometimes, you just can't help but stop and wonder. Why?
It's really one big mess
...it's one of those times where internal conflict really starts messing with your system.
As if you refuse to move from the green light and motorists behind you are urging you on with their horns.
That's the sort of noise and confusion you're getting. Like you know you never want to reach your endpoint.
Because you find you're enjoying the ride a little too much. And you know it'll end someway or another.
Finding names to faces we never knew
Sounds like a stretch, but maaaybe that's what we are. =)
Sounds better than 4.2 anyways. Haha.
Sounds better than 4.2 anyways. Haha.
Fun!
F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me. N is for anywhere and anytime at all, down here in the deep blue sea... (birds don't exactly swim do they? Except for the penguins and ducks and etc.)
Now, bring me that horizon
Its a no wonder I enjoy walking home late into the night. When the time is just right, the moon will be overhead in the sky and I'll pause in the middle of the the bridge that is outside my house, staring absent-mindedly at the sky.
When the moon is full you cant help but notice the moonlight cast dark shadows all around you but yet you feel guarded in it's light.
Its like having the sun shine down upon you, but just a touch more comforting in the cool of the night.
When the moon is full you cant help but notice the moonlight cast dark shadows all around you but yet you feel guarded in it's light.
Its like having the sun shine down upon you, but just a touch more comforting in the cool of the night.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)